Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Say It Ain't So, Bono!

Did you hear the awful news?  Hard to believe it, but one of the biggest stars on the planet, who also happens to be the lead singer of the Bikeist's favorite rock band, managed to get into a bone-breaking bike crash while riding in Central Park.  No, it was not Chris Martin!  Who said that?!  That's the guy we wish had crashed!  It was Paul Hewson, aka, Bono, of U2 of course!

As reported in Rolling Stone, here is the statement from Bono's Doc detailing the full extent of his injuries:

Full Statement From Dean Lorich, MD on Bono's Condition:

On November 16th, Bono was involved in a high energy bicycle accident when he attempted to avoid another rider.  Presented as a Trauma Alert to New York Presbyterian/Weill Cornell's Emergency Department, his Trauma Work-up at that time included multiple X-rays and CAT scans showed injuries that include:
1. Left facial fracture involving the orbit of his eye.
2. Left scapula (shoulder blade) fracture in three separate pieces.
3. Left compound distal humerus fracture where the bone of his humerus was driven though his skin and the bone was in six different pieces. He was taken emergently to the operating room for a five-hour surgery Sunday evening where the elbow was washed out and debrided, a nerve trapped in the break was moved and the bone was repaired with three metal plates and 18 screws.
4. One day later, he had surgery to his left hand to repair a fracture of his 5th metacarpal.
He will require intensive and progressive therapy, however a full recovery is expected.
Dean Lorich, MD
Orthopedic Trauma Surgeon
New York Presbyterian/Weill Cornell Medical Center and Hospital For Special Surgery

Ouch!  I'm left wondering what a low energy bicycle accident might be, though.  Is that the kind of accident you get into because you skipped breakfast, or, maybe, just have a case of the blahs?

Of course, our local daily, was all over this story, honing in on important "facts" with its typical journalistic prowess.  Yes, the U-T reported that Bono crashed because he was riding while disguised as a Hasidic Jew.  Really.  This was based upon a tongue-in-cheek response given by the Edge in a radio interview when he was asked why nobody was able to get a photo of Bono right after the crash:  "You know, when Bono goes cycling he likes to dress up as a Hasidic Jew."

The facetiousness of a response like that should speak for itself, but the U-T, and several other outlets, reported the joke as if it was serious.  At least the Jewish news website,, after first publishing the comment as if it was true, followed up with a clarifying article:  Bono's people confirm: U2 singer did not disguise himself as Hasidic Jew.  Thank God that his people came forward with the truth!  No amount of investigative journalism could have ever toppled such otherwise, credible, reportage.

Good grief, what a sorry state the world of journalism has sunk to.  At least you poor people still have me to give it to you straight.  Which leads me to the most disturbing aspect of Bono's unfortunate spill:  I caused it.  That's right, I'm to blame and I'm so, so, sorry.  Remember, a couple of months ago, when I celebrated the release of U2's new album in this post: and with this picture?

Clearly, just as athletes who appear on the cover of Sports Illustrated consistently have terrible performances immediately thereafter, and football players who are featured on the box of the Madden football video game almost always go on to have awful seasons (right Peyton Hillis?) Bono must have suffered from the Bikeist curse!  I'm guessing that Bono, probably as big a fan of the Bikeist as I am of him, read the now fateful post and became nostalgic for his care-free youth, deciding to take up biking again (sort of the point of the whole blog, right?)  I'm so sorry Bono!  How could I have not foreseen this?  Of course, it wasn't my idea for you to don a preposterous disguise -- oh yeah, almost forgot, that was just a joke -- almost forgot that your "people" clarified it.

How can I make it up to you?  Got it!  When your tour comes through So-Cal, free of charge, I'll take you out and provide some bike-safety pointers on a ride around my beloved San Diego.  You can even bring Larry, Adam and the Edge if you like -- the more the merrier!

Rule #1, though, always be yourself when riding!

Call me Bono!  I'm here for you!


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